Letting Go of Attachment: From A to Zen By Lori Deschene

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama

If there’s one thing we all have in common, it’s that we want to feel happy; and on the other side of that coin, we want to avoid hurting. Yet we consistently put ourselves in situations that set us up for pain.

We pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems amiss. Then we melt into grief when something changes—a lay off, a breakup, or a transfer.

We attach to feelings as if they define us, and ironically, not just positive ones. If you’ve wallowed in regret or disappointment for years, it can seem safe and even comforting to suffer.

In trying to hold on to what’s familiar, we limit our ability to experience joy in the present. A moment can’t possibly radiate fully when you’re suffocating it in fear.

When you stop trying to grasp, own, and control the world around you, you give it the freedom to fulfill you without the power to destroy you. That’s why letting go is so important— letting go is letting happiness in.

It’s no simple undertaking to let go of attachment—not a one-time decision, like pulling off a band-aid. Instead, it’s a day-to-day, moment-to-moment commitment that involves changing the way you experience and interact with everything you instinctively want to grasp.

The best approach is to start simple, at the beginning, and work your way to Zen.

Experiencing Without Attachment

Accept the moment for what it is.

Don’t try to turn it into yesterday; that moment’s gone. Don’t plot about how you can make the moment last forever. Just seep into the moment and enjoy it, because it will eventually pass. Nothing is permanent. Fighting that reality will only cause you pain.

Believe now is enough.

It’s true—tomorrow may not look the same as today, no matter how much you try to control it. A relationship might end. You might have to move. You’ll deal with those moments when they come. All you need right now is to appreciate and enjoy what you have. It’s enough.
Call yourself out.

Learn what it looks like to grasp at people, things, or circumstances so you can redirect your thoughts when they veer toward attachment—when you dwell on keeping, controlling, manipulating, or losing something instead of simply experiencing it.

Define yourself in fluid terms
.

We are all constantly evolving and growing. Define yourself in terms that can withstand change. Defining yourself by possessions, roles, and relationships breeds attachment, because loss entails losing not just what you have, but also who you are.

Enjoy now fully.

No matter how much time you have in an experience or with someone you love, it will never feel like enough. So don’t think about it in terms of quantity; aim for quality instead. Attach to the idea of living well from moment to moment. That’s an attachment that can do you no harm.

Letting Go of Attachment to People

Friend yourself.

It will be harder to let people go when necessary if you depend on them for your sense of worth. Believe you’re worthy whether someone else tells you or not. This way, you relate to people, not just how they make you feel about yourself.

Go it alone sometimes.

Take time to foster your own interests, ones that nothing and no one can take away. Don’t let them hinge on anyone or anything other than your values and passion.

Hold lightly.

This one isn’t just about releasing attachments; it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships. Contrary to romantic notions, you are not someone’s other half. You’re separate and whole. You can still hold someone to close to your heart; just remember, if you squeeze too tightly, you’ll both be suffocated.

Interact with lots of people.

If you limit yourself to one or two relationships, they will seem like your lifelines. Everyone needs people, and there are billions on the planet. Stay open to new connections. Accept the possibility your future involves a lot of love whether you cling to a select few people or not.

Justify less.

I can’t let him go—I’ll be miserable without him. I’d die if I lost her—she’s all that I have. These thoughts reinforce beliefs that are not fact, even if they feel like it. The only way to let go and feel less pain is to believe you’re strong enough to carry on if and when things change.

Letting Go of Attachment to the Past

Know you can’t change the past.

Even if you think about over and over again. Even if you punish yourself. Even if you refuse to accept it. It’s done. The only way to relieve your pain about what happened is to give yourself relief. No one and nothing else can create peace in your head for you.

Love instead of fearing.

When you hold onto the past, it often has to do with fear—fear you messed up your chance at happiness, or fear you’ll never know such happiness again. Focus on what you love and you’ll create happiness instead of worrying about it.

Make now count.

Instead of thinking of what you did or didn’t do, the type of person you were or weren’t, do something worthwhile now. Be someone worthwhile now. Take a class. Join a group. Help someone who needs it. Make today so full and meaningful there’s no room to dwell on yesterday.

Narrate calmly.

How we experience the world is largely a result of how we internalize it. Instead of telling yourself dramatic stories about the past—how hurt you were or how hard it was—challenge your emotions and focus on lessons learned. That’s all you really need from yesterday.
Open your mind.

We often cling to things, situations, or people because we’re comfortable with them. We know how they’ll make us feel, whether it’s happy or safe. Consider that new things, situations, and people may affect you the same. The only way to find out is to let go of what’s come and gone.
Letting Go of Attachment to Outcomes

Practice letting things be.

That doesn’t mean you can’t actively work to create a different tomorrow. It just means you make peace with the moment as it is, without worrying that something’s wrong with you or your life, and then operate from a place of acceptance.
Question your attachment.

If you’re attached to a specific outcome—a dream job or the perfect relationship—you may be indulging an illusion about some day when everything will be lined up for happiness. No moment will ever be worthier of your joy than now because that’s all there ever is.

Release the need to know.

Life entails uncertainty, no matter how strong your intention. Obsessing about tomorrow wastes your life because there will always be a tomorrow on the horizon. There are no guarantees about how it will play out. Just know it hinges on how well you live today.

Serve your purpose now.

You don’t need to have x-amount of money in the bank to live a meaningful life right now. Figure out what matters to you, and fill pockets of time indulging it. Audition for community theater. Volunteer with animals. Whatever you love, do it. Don’t wait—do it now.

Teach others.

It’s human nature to hope for things in the future. Even the most enlightened people fall into the habit from time to time. Remind yourself to stay open to possibilities by sharing the idea with other people. Blog about it. Talk about it. Tweet about it. Opening up helps keep you open.

Letting Go of Attachment to Feelings

Understand that pain is unavoidable.

No matter how well you do everything on this list, or on your own short list for peace, you will lose things that matter and feel some level of pain. But it doesn’t have to be as bad as you think. As the saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

Vocalize your feelings.

Feel them, acknowledge them, express them, and then let them naturally transform. Even if you want to dwell in anger, sadness, or frustration—especially if you feel like dwelling—save yourself the pain and commit to working through them.

Write it down.

Then toss it out. You won’t always have the opportunity to express your feelings to the people who inspired them. That doesn’t mean you need to swallow them. Write in a journal. Write a letter and burn it. Anything that helps you let go.

Xie Xie.

t means thank you in Chinese. Fully embrace your happy moments—love with abandon; be so passionate it’s contagious. If a darker moment follows, remember: It will teach you something, and soon enough you’ll be in another happy moment to appreciate. Everything is cyclical.

Yield to peace.

The ultimate desire is to feel happy and peaceful. Even if you think you want to stay angry, what you really want is to be at peace with what happened or will happen. It takes a conscious choice. Make it.

Zen your now.

Experience, appreciate, enjoy, and let go to welcome another experience.

It won’t always be easy. Sometimes you’ll feel compelled to attach yourself physically and mentally to people and ideas—as if it gives you some sense of control or security. You may even strongly believe you’ll be happy if you struggle to hold onto what you have. That’s okay. It’s human nature.

Just know you have the power to choose from moment to moment how you experience things you enjoy: with a sense of ownership, anxiety, and fear, or with a sense of freedom, peace, and love.

The most important question: What do you choose right now?


About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest book Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

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How to Live in the Here and Now: A guide to Accelerated Enlightenment, unlocking the power of mindful awareness~ Paul Jones

In How to Live in the Here and Now, Paul Jones rescues enlightenment from the specialists, the superstitious and the pious and makes it available to everyone and anyone through a simple step by step process.

Enlightenment is not the learning experience itself, but the practice in everyday life of that learning. The creation of Accelerated Practical Enlightenment represents one of the largest developments in enlightenment technology since someone, somewhere, thousands of years ago decided to meditate. It is concerned with managing the human condition and will allow YOU to live happily and peacefully in an everyday context wherever you find yourself.

This book answers two simple question:
1. What is Enlightenment?
2. How can YOU become Enlightened quickly and permanently?

Paul Jones is a psychological adventurer, qualified psychologist and professional Hypnotherapist.

Look Inside

Author Information: Paul Jones; psychological adventurer, qualified psychologist, professional Hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. He practices therapy in Manchester and by the time this book is on the shelves is no doubt traveling the world to give seminars and workshops on how to Live in the Here and Now.

Francis Bennett ‘The Key To Happiness’

Francis Bennett ‘The Key To Happiness’ Interview by Iain McNay

Published on May 20, 2015

Francis Bennett was a Roman Catholic, Trappist monk for a number of years. He lived in two monasteries of the Trappist Order in the US and was also a member of an urban, contemplative monastic community originally founded in Paris, France in 1975. He has lived in France at several monasteries, and in Canada at a small monastic community in Montreal Quebec. He received a five and a half year monastic/spiritual formation with the Trappists before he made his vows as a monk at Gethsemani Abbey in 1983. He has worked in ministry in the area of spiritual Care in the hospice movement, as a hospital chaplain and in spiritual care of the sick and dying in parish settings.

In 2010, while in the middle of a Church Service in his monastery in Montreal, Francis suddenly experienced what he has come to call, “a radical perceptual shift in consciousness”, in which he discovered the ever present presence of spacious, pure awareness. He came to see that this awareness is actually the unchanging essence of who he really is and always has been; the Supreme Self. He also came to see simultaneously, that this vast, infinite sense of presence at the center of his being (and at the center of the being of everyone else on the planet) is actually not at all separate from the presence of God, which he had been looking for during his many years as a monk and spiritual seeker.

View Here on the book “ I Am THAT I AM

John Hagelin : 1.Consciousness and time 2.The brain and the meditative state 3. Unbounded awareness and the emotional life

Consciousness and time

Published on May 18, 2015

John Hagelin describes the concept of time as perceived from different states of consciousness. This video is an excerpt from SAND Anthology Vol. 2.

John Hagelin, Ph.D., is a renowned quantum physicist, science and public policy expert, educator, author, and leading proponent of peace.
http://www.hagelin.org/

Unbounded awareness and the emotional life

John Hagelin describes how the emotional life changes with the attainment of unbounded awareness. This video is an excerpt from SAND Anthology Vol. 2.

The brain and the meditative state, John Hagelin

John Hagelin explains what happens to the brain while in a meditative state. This video is an excerpt from SAND Anthology Vol. 2.

How To Ignite Your Happiness and End Suffering

How To Ignite Your Happiness and End Suffering
by Pragito Dove:

Happiness is your essential nature. So why are so many people suffering?

Is it because they have learned that suffering will bring them love and attention? Some people believe they are here to suffer, and that when they die, the more they have suffered, the more likely they are to go to heaven. Heaven and hell only exist in the mind. You either create your heaven or create your own hell here right now on this earth. Suffering is optional.

Where does the idea that we are here to suffer come from? It comes from generational suffering – we learned that was the normal way to be. The truth is you are here to live your greatest creative expression, to love and be loved, and to be happy.

Of course, when the body is hurt or ill, you have pain, but you can decide not to suffer. You can manage the pain if your focus is to enjoy life. Focus your attention on everything that makes you happy.

Most people want to be happy, don’t they? Nobody wants to be miserable. So what is the problem?

Here are 5 essential keys to understand how to free yourself from suffering and ignite happiness in your life.

1. Understand how the human mind functions.

The more you seek happiness, the more unhappy you will be. Now this seems absurd, but this is the root cause of the problem. If you want to get out of misery, you have to get out of your desire for happiness.

The moment you desire happiness you move away from the present.
You have moved away from your present moment reality, into the future, which has not come yet. You have moved into a dream and a dream can never be fulfilling. The desire for happiness shows you are not happy right at this moment. You are unhappy today, and your projection comes out of whatever you are today, which is unhappy.

Don’t dream and yearn for something in the future. BE HERE NOW. You can be happy right this very moment – this throbbing, beating, real moment – without any past memories “My boss upset me yesterday” or future worries “My retirement money won’t be enough” to interfere.

Happiness is where you are. Wherever you are, happiness is there, available.
Joy is the very stuff the universe is made of. It is always there, in your present moment. You have to look straight-on. Happiness does not have to be created – it just has to be seen. It is already here now.

Happiness has nothing to do with what you have or don’t have. Happiness is already within you.

The absence of desire brings happiness. It also brings freedom and liberation, because whenever something is lacking there are both limits and dependency. Only when nothing at all is lacking is there the possibility of freedom. Freedom brings happiness.

2. Happiness is your choice

The birds, flowers, trees, stars are happy. They don’t know how to be unhappy. These birds chirping in the trees, they are happy! Not because they have chosen to be happy, they are simply happy because they don’t know any other way to be. Their happiness is unconscious. It is simply natural.

You can be happy because you have something which no tree, bird, or star has. You have consciousness. But when you have consciousness two alternatives are possible: either you can be unhappy or you can be happy. It is your choice! Trees are happy because they cannot be unhappy. Their happiness is not their freedom. They have to be happy. They don’t know how to be unhappy; there is no alternative. You are free to choose. This freedom is where the problem lies because your happiness is your responsibility.

3. Accept Yourself the Way You Are

A main cause of suffering is not accepting yourself the way you are. You judge yourself that you should be more this or more that. “I should lose weight and then I’ll attract a wonderful man/woman to love me”. “I’m so stupid-I should have put the trash out before the dog got to it.”

Acceptance is the opposite of judgment. You can say to yourself for example: “I love you ..insert your name.., just the way you are.” “My mistakes help me become more aware about myself.” “I love myself no matter what.”

You are born perfect, and you will die perfect. But we have to distinguish between two types of perfect. When you are young, you want to be perfect because your parents want you to be perfect and the teachers at school want you to be perfect. You search for an image of perfection that isn’t real. It’s not truth. It’s the biggest lie. You will never be perfect from that point of view because that image is just an image—it is not real. You search for everything you believe you don’t have, not knowing that everything you are looking for is already inside you. You are born with it. You are already enough. You are already perfect just the way you naturally are.

4. Happiness is being at complete rest

You run here and there in search of happiness, but the more you run, the more unhappy you will be. Happiness is that moment of rest when there is no more running, when you are just at rest, when you are simply there where you are, when you do not move even an inch. And then, in that moment of rest, there is happiness.

You can find these moments in meditation, walking in nature, playing with your children, chatting with your best friend, enjoying moments of laughter with your spouse. These moments of inner rest, when you are utterly content, happiness is there. You do not have to go to a mountain top retreat, read spiritual books, or take yoga classes (although all of these activities offer opportunities for happiness). You don’t have to strive to be happy, nor is it something you have to work at. Relax, cultivate presence. And when you forget and “lose it”,(because you will!) relax, accept yourself, and move on to the next moment. Happiness is always available, 24/7.

The universe is on your side. The universe wants you to be happy. All you have to do is relax into the moment, and beware the ego trying to make it complicated. It is not.

5. Seek Truth and Happiness is automatic
Happiness is a shadow of truth. Always seek to live in truth, rather than illusion. This means seeing the reality of situations as they are, rather than the way you might want them to be. Sometimes the truth is hard: your spouse has been having an affair; you’ve just lost your job; your teenager didn’t get into the college they wanted. Life is not always “happy”.

When you come into the present moment, and allow yourself to experience and feel the impact of an unpleasant situation, you will find, underneath your hurt feelings, that happiness is there. It is always there, no matter the state of your life. Now allow the happiness to be there, alongside your sadness, frustration, guilt – whatever your feelings are. Include ALL of these feelings, in an open-hearted attention. You will start to feel more balanced and calm, and your creativity will return. You will feel more courage to continue to the next moment.

You can start to experience the nature of joy, and happiness, from a radically different perspective. Joy is the essence of life. Accept joy by being grateful to be alive and for the challenges and opportunities in life, and by finding the good in all that you have – rather than setting conditions or demands for happiness. By embracing joy, including when life is hard, you come closer to a true, peaceful, and balanced state.

Using the principles she teaches, Pragito Dove transformed her pain and fear into joy and inner peace. Now she shares these secrets with others.

Pragito Dove is founder of the “Laughing Buddhas Network” and president of “Discover Meditation Training Inc.,” a cutting-edge meditation training company. She is the leading authority on Expressive Meditation in North America and a thought leader on visionary thinking. A master trainer, international speaker, and meditation expert, Pragito teaches people how to transform pain and fear into joy and inner peace in order to achieve business and personal success. A best-selling author in seven languages, Pragito is dedicated to re-igniting passion and vision in the business world and in individual’s lives.

An experienced trainer and facilitator, she has provided meditation and productivity training to organizations including the University of California San Francisco Cancer Resource Center, Hill Physicians Medical Group, the San Francisco Chronicle, NASA, Peak Potentials Training Inc., the John C. Lincoln Hospital, United Health Care, World Laughter Tour Inc., the Association of Applied Therapeutic Humor, Autodesk and the National Association of Women Business Owners.

“I am a master at transforming suffering through laughter and other forms of meditation. I have been a hypnotherapist and meditation master for over 25 years. In that time I have gained considerable insight, real-life knowledge, and a deeper understanding of how to help people get the changes they want in their lives easily and quickly. My own personal journey of healing has given me a wealth of experience, compassion and wisdom. I consider all of your needs by getting to know your business and relevant personal details. I then develop programs that are ideal for you by providing expertise with a personal touch.

My work supports you to live, be and manifest all you are meant to be. I love working with people who want to bring about a change in their lives, whether it’s in business, health and fitness, relationships or spiritually and emotionally. If there are self-sabotaging beliefs in the subconscious we can together bring deeper insight, understanding and healing to transform them so that you have the life you want and deserve. I help my clients find meaning in their lives, connect to their inner wisdom and open to spiritual blessing.”

Introduction to Pragito Dove’s worK


Published on Jul 22, 2014

http://www.discovermeditation.com Pragito Dove lives in beautiful San Francisco Bay Area.
I empower you to gain a deeper awareness of how Law of Attraction works. With my guidance, you can increase your ability to attract greater prosperity, enhance all your relationships and improve your health and vitality. Awareness is the key. The meditation techniques in my latest book “Laughter, Tears, Silence: Expressive Meditations to Calm Your Mind and Open Your Heart” were instrumental in helping me transform my negative emotions into love, compassion, and gratitude. The result is I transmit higher positive vibrations and attract good things into my life.

What If Heaven Is Here And Now?

Anita Moorjani Shares Her Near Death Experience

In her inspirational memoir, Dying to Be Me, about fighting cancer and crossing the boundary between life and death, Anita Moorjani tries to give readers an understanding of her miraculous near death experience. Is there really a border between heaven and earth, between time and eternity?

During my near-death experience (NDE), it felt as if I were connected to the entire universe and everything contained within it; and it seemed that the cosmos was alive, dynamic, and conscious. I found that every thought, emotion, or action I made while expressing through the physical body had an effect on the Whole. In fact, in that realm of Oneness, it felt as though the whole universe were an extension of me. This realization has, of course, dramatically changed the way I view things. We’re all co-creating this world and our lives within it through our emotions, thoughts, and actions.

Language isn’t an adequate tool for expressing something that can’t be perceived with our five physical senses, so it’s challenging to find the right words to express my understanding of what took place during the experience. However, I’ll do my best to share as clearly as possible what I sense about this world, how we move through it, and how it’s changing for the better.

First, it’s important to understand that my near-death experience wasn’t like any other event I’ve experienced. It didn’t have a clear beginning and end. It was more like a door that once opened, never closes. It initiated ongoing, progressive, deeper understanding and new possibilities that never end.

Because words are a poor tool to express this kind of phenomena, what I write here is only meant to stir the appropriate emotions within you. Even after I share this, my own understanding will continue to grow and expand. Words taken literally or held as ultimate truth can keep us stagnant and stuck, holding on to old ideologies. I now know that everything I need is already contained within me and is completely accessible if I allow myself to open up to what I sense is true for me . . . and the same is true for you.

Before my near-death experience, probably because of my culture, I used to think that the purpose of life was to attain nirvana—that is, to evolve beyond the reincarnation cycle of birth and death, striving never to come back into the physical. If I’d grown up completely immersed in Western culture, maybe I would have been trying to get to heaven. This is actually a fairly common goal, regardless of culture—to live in such a way as to secure a perfect afterlife.

But after my NDE, I feel differently. Even though I know I’ll go on living beyond this plane, and I don’t fear physical death anymore, I’ve lost my desire to be anywhere but the place I am now. Interestingly, I’ve become more grounded and focused on seeing the perfection of life in this moment, rather than focusing on the other realm.

This is primarily because the concept of reincarnation in its conventional form of a progression of lifetimes, running sequentially one after the other, wasn’t supported by my NDE. I realized that time doesn’t move in a linear fashion unless we’re using the filter of our physical bodies and minds. Once we’re no longer limited by our earthly senses, every moment exists simultaneously. I’ve come to think that the concept of reincarnation is really just an interpretation, a way for our intellect to make sense of all existence happening at once.

We think in terms of “time passing,” but in my NDE, it felt as though time just is, and we’re moving through it. This means that not only do all points of time exist simultaneously, but also that in the other realm, we can go faster, slower, or even backward and sideways. In the physical plane, however, our sensory organs limit us. Our eyes take in what they see in this instant; our ears hear in the same way. The mind can only exist in one moment, and then it strings those moments together to form a linear progression. But when we spill out of our bodies, we cross all time and space with awareness—not sight, hearing, touch, taste, or smell. We’re pure consciousness.

I experienced this while in the NDE state. I was aware of my brother on a plane coming to see me and of conversations the doctors were having outside my room and down the hall. I understood many aspects of my future life, as they would be panning out, as well as what would happen if I didn’t come back and live. This showed me that time, space, and solid matter don’t always exist as we normally think of them. During my NDE, I felt that I could focus on any point in time that I needed to access.

Because of this, I believe that when someone has a glimpse of what have previously been interpreted as “past lives,” they’re actually accessing parallel or simultaneous existences, because all time exists at once. And because we’re all connected, it’s possible to achieve states of consciousness where glimpses of others’ reality seep through into our present moment, entering our consciousness as though they were memories.

My new perspective has made me wonder about our focus and purpose, if reincarnation and time itself don’t exist the way that so many of us were raised to believe. What if all our goals are the wrong way around? What if heaven or nirvana is actually here in physical expression, and not there in the afterlife? Here is a video interview of me explaining more with Hay House CEO, Reid Tracy:

Near Death Experience Reveals Heaven is a State of Mind: Anita Moorjani, Present Moments

When you learn to love and value yourself, you can experience a piece of heaven! In this video clip, Anita Moorjani, (author of Dying to Be Me) talks about her near-death experience with lymphoma and how it helped her to understand what our illnesses can teach us and what really matters most in our lives.

Source: HEAL YOUR LIFE

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